University of Bristol Spelæological Society


The quotations page has now made it onto the website! Fill it with all those overheard amusing, peculiar or down right slanderous phrases by emailing them (and preferably a time, place and the people involved) to anyone on the committee.

Richie - That's the fastest you've done that
Sara - Because he was fucking in my arse!

Cottage in Ireland, August 2014

I want to harvest your Birthday faeces.

Ireland, August 2014

Simon - Andrew invited us to his house once and we did it in his garden. We hadn't done it before, just bashed one out and got good results.

Ballymaglancy, August 2014

It's nothing to get excited over (a 300m cock)

County Mayo, Ireland, August 2014

If I end up pregnant, I'm blaming you (to Richie)

County Mayo, Ireland, August 2014

Adam (upon emerging from a cave): My arsehole is much bigger now!

Sutton-in-Ashfield, July 2014

Cara: you should take a photo on your smart-cleverness-phone...

Pub, February 2014

Elliott: I have the stamina of a 70 year old

Castleton, February 2014

Sara: it looks weird when I haven't got a bare chest!

Pub, November 2013

it's something like only stick it in as far as you can pull it out

UBSS hut, fresher's weeekend 2013, October 2013

I have wild childbearing hips

UBSS hut, fresher's weeekend 2013, October 2013

I'm not stuck just taking a break

UBSS hut, fresher's weeekend 2013, October 2013

if i was single and sober I'd let anyone do that to me

UBSS hut, fresher's weeekend 2013, October 2013

it was really hard wood

UBSS hut, fresher's weeekend 2013, October 2013

poverty is necessary for good beer

UBSS hut, fresher's weeekend 2013, October 2013

Sara to Jacob: You've got a good strong tongue...

SWCC Hut, October 2013

Sara: can I stick my finger in this? I'll stick it in this side...

SWCC Hut, October 2013

Jacob giving the "If you get cold, tired or hungry..." part of the fresher talk:
"If you get sad, lonely or bored..."

Swildons, September 2013

Frank: What's the best way? Should I go up and down while I suck?

Wagamamas, April 2013

Cat (to Geoff): ooh...your legs are quite big aren't they!

Cat's House, March 2013

Cayley: ...and suddenly there was an Anya between my legs!

SWCC, March 2013

Cayley: I was Slippin' 'n' Rippin'!

TSG, February 2013

Alina: When I think of Stu [Alldred] I think of vegetarian, not drinking, SRT, not drinking, vegetarian...and organising stuff!

Bar crawl, February 2013

Cayley (about Jacob): He looks fun, I'll have a go with him.

UBSS Hut, December 2012

James MacFarlane: Don't touch the backdoor, it's really furry...!

UBSS Hut, December 2012

Simon: I can't get between my legs, but there is sort of a "V" down there...

Goatchurch, December 2012

Alice: Stop resting your wine on my leg, it's getting me really wet.

UBSS Hut, October 2012

Jacob: I got it wet when I was collecting wood.

UBSS Mendip hut, October 2012

Anya: don't stick your finger in the hole! You don't know what's been in there and it might get bigger!

Belfry, September 2012

Cayley: Well, I certainly like it big!

Belfry, September 2012

Debs down Otter Hole:

Now my head is in an odd position because you thrusted when I wasn't expecting it!

I bet childbirth has nothing on this....

Otter Hole, August 2012

Debs: That's genuinely up there isn't it...?!?!

Deb's house, August 2012

Debs: Ooooh, I love jizz in my pants!

Deb's house, August 2012

Dave: I didn't get that sweaty, I took all my clothes off. 

North Wales, July 2012

Dave: are you ready for this threesome?
Anya: I have no pyjamas and my knickers are wet. 
Stu: perfect. 

North Wales, July 2012

Adam: I think survey training last Thursday was the last time I thought about boobs. 

Stu's house, May 2012

Anya: Can I put my leg here?
Simon: I'm getting too excited!
Anya: I think I'm putting it in the wrong hole...

Bak of Stu's car, March 2012

Ste: do you have a foot phobia?
Amy: nooo.....
Ste: what about a crotch phobia?!
Amy: arrrrrrrrrgh!

Brandon hill, March 2012

Stu: I prefer straddling to bumming
Alex: nah, I think bumming is better, but there is a point about halfway up where it's very difficult. 

(discussing blue pencil)

Annual dinner, March 2012

Chris Burnley: I'd pay 20p to sleep with a man...

The bank, Bristol, March 2012

Alice: I offer myself to the Cavers!

Coach and Horses, March 2012

Cayley: I've never done it upside down before. 

UBSS hut, February 2012

Chris Smith poking around Adams crotch: What's that?

UBSS mendip hut, February 2012

Someone: you're supposed to be unconscious!
Rosie: I know, but it's getting too exciting. 

UBSS Mendip hut, February 2012

Adam: it's a bit stiff...[Cat] can't deal with stiff things. 

NPC hut, Yorkshire, February 2012

Ollie: ...spillage is linkage
Bill: that's how all gang rapes start

NPC hut, Yorkshire, February 2012

Anya: ...somebody bum me then

NPC hut, Yorkshire, February 2012

Lesbian Chess would be much better, you get 2 Queens.

A Pub in Castleton, 2012

Chris Burnley: apparently someone called me a good kisser

CHECC, November 2011

Richie:"It feels really good when you get it in your mouth"

Pub, November 2011

Stu about Geoff: "He'll flirt until his battery dies, both now and in life".

UBSS hut, October 2011

Simon: "Theres nothing wrong with a sweaty dungeon"

SWCC Hut, October 2011

James(with a pumpkin on his head) to Dickon(with a pumpkin on his head): "How many educations do we have bettween us?"

SWCC Hut, October 2011

Anya to Adam: "Was that my trousers or yours that ripped?"

SWCC Hut, October 2011

James: " I need your shoulder underneath my crotch"

SWCC Hut, October 2011

Anya: "How High is this in your crotch?"
"I am just grinding against your bone"

SWCC Hut, October 2011

Amy: " you realise you have to go down to get it up?"

SWCC Hut, October 2011

John to Cameron: "I had my face squashed in your Penis"

SWCC Hut, October 2011

Chris: "you were pulling off his arse. If you go down lower its easier"

SWCC Hut, October 2011

Cayley: "Who wants to play with me? I've had a lot to drink!"

SWCC Hut, October 2011

James to Ryan: I'm not going down on you mate."

SWCC Hut, October 2011

Adam: "He's slipping x3... More wrist!"

s, October 2011

Chris: " Get down on him quickly!"

SWCC Hut, October 2011

Adam: "If you go all the way in, you don't touch the sides".

Croyden Caving Hut, October 2011

Bridget: "No, that's too small. I prefer them bigger".
Cat: "Yeah, Bridget doesn't suck anything that small".

Croyden Caving Hut, October 2011

Down Wigmore...
Cat: Jon, do you want to come over me?

Wigmore, August 2011

Stu: Does it still count as incest if its a threesome

Anya: yess unless they are twins

Pub, July 2011

Cat: "I have to get my crotch wet before it's flexible!"

Swildons ladder, July 2011

Bill to Stuart:
"Your trousers are slippery! hand just slips straight down!"

Tenby, July 2011

Stu: *puts a twig in Amy's builders crack*

~~5 hours later~~

Stu: have you found it yet?
Amy: No...

Dickonator's house, July 2011

Ollie discussing two men going to the toilet together:
"But it's not weird while you're doing it!"

Highbury Vaults, May 2011

Well your practically black

Bill to mandy

April 2011

Amy to Mandy - "It becomes moist when you put your hand on it"

Devon, February 2011

Ryan - "I've got the essence of man."

Devon, February 2011

Rob to Ryan - "God yes! Lets do this!"

Devon, February 2011

Stu: Cat, are you sure you don't want to play "Guess the Molester"?

Cheltenham, February 2011

Stu: Cat, are you sure you don't want to play "Guess the Molester"?

Cheltenham, February 2011

Jon Hauser:
He should have blasted it a bit more

While enjoying the finer points of the technical masterpiece in Eastwater, January 2011

Tasha: cats legs are like tescos, open 24/7

Pub, 2011

Alice: that's what I like, stu and Alice massaging me in the shower

Pub, 2011

Alice: that's what I like, stu and Alice massaging me in the shower

Pub, 2011

Alex and James S discussing "phone chargers":

It's long and thin...
Is it like mine?
No, yours is just as wide but longer. 

Near longwood, December 2010

Amy & Alice discussing Mike & Ryan:
Amy: "He'll go down again in a minute"
Alice: "Yeah, he'll have to go down again if they are going to do it"

Mendip hut, December 2010

"you need to suck it harder"

Mendip hut, December 2010

"it's weird the first time, but you get used to it"

Mendip hut, December 2010

Ryan: OMG my dick is on fire!

Swildon's Barn, December 2010


i want a finger up woo graham woo...

lion, December 2010


well it depends how into anal stretching you are

December 2010

I like the idea of tasting her mead

December 2010

Cat fiddling between the legs of her oversuit:
"not sure if the two holes have joined together yet..."

Bull pot farm, November 2010

I fingered a crack and it turned into a gash

pub, November 2010

Cat - "Just stick your head in my crotch..."

Eastwater, November 2010

...your fallopian tubes fill up when you get a cold...

Mendip hut, October 2010

Andrew on freshers:

There were a couple of lads I did stuff with down caves. They were PATHETIC! I dumped them after a couple of weeks

Red lion, September 2010

After having Alice's DVD taken off him:

Alex: Awwww..but I like porn... :-(

Highbury vaults, September 2010

Alex telling us about his gf and ex discussing his meat and 2 veg...

Alex: no, she only said nice things...
Alice: thats a surprise!

Cat and wheel, September 2010

Stu - "Lift your legs up and i'll push it through"

Cat's house, Derbyshire, May 2010

Rhys - "Ohhhh... your leg juice just went down my top"

Swildons, April 2010

-- Stu upon being offered a syndi-shite leaflet
I'd rather sleep with Alice.
-- Slap.

Walking to keller, April 2010

-- Alice upon arrival
I've got the Shits.

White harte, April 2010

-- Geoff being silly
Yeah I just put it up my shirt sleeve, it's a snug fit.
-- Alice being foolish
Wow, I clearly need to learn more about masturbation.
-- Stu to Katie
Can you have a word with Alice, you look like the sort of person who would know about these things...

In a Secret Bar, April 2010

"Spread your legs Dickon"
- Mike

Pub, April 2010

I'm living a life of constipation
- Alice

Pub, February 2010

Cat describes Geoff perfectly:
"If it's not dirty he's not doing it"

Spoons, February 2010

Bridge: You've got an, erm, ball between your legs...

Spoons, February 2010

After five minutes of silence Dickon restarts the conversation:
"Have you ever looked at micropenis online?"

Wales, February 2010

Attempting to refer to a favorite colour:
"Your colour offends me"
Got this responce:
"I don't live in redland"

SWCC, February 2010

Alice you alright? don't worry, I'll rape you till you get warm :D

Cat's house, February 2010

Yes yes yes Dickon, more more more!

Cat's lounge, February 2010

if your peice had flopped out, it would have been in her mouth

can't remember, 2010

Andy (in a tunnel in the pyrenees): I think i've got the headlights on, (pause) it's very dark in here.
Kayleigh: Have you got your sunglasses on?
Andy: Oh yeah! That's better!

in a tunnel in the pyrenees , July 2009

French lesbian midget porn? Noooooooooooo!!!

Brizzle, April 2009

Don't put your mouth on other peoples' cheese!

between drinks, April 2009

I am a secret male tree

The Pub, April 2009

BANG! And the dirt is gone...

Digging in GB Bat Passage, February 2009

so babies come out the back??

pub, 2009

The only way to cook an egg is to scotch it.


A very cold yorkshire lane, December 2008

I'm clean, you need to make me dirty.

Fay to Richard(westminster)

Notts II, December 2008

I should have asked for it rare.

Dickon having ordered a gammon steak

a pub in derbyshire, November 2008

I'm starting to get into squeezy things


hunters, November 2008

You can come in the girls' changing room if you want to see.


post swildons, November 2008

I think i've f***ed my forearms from too much wanking.


the hut, November 2008

My sister has 3 bikinis... none of them fit me


Pub in Wales, October 2008

Shall I go around the other side or just come all over you?

Matt to James

Bens car, October 2008

God that's huge

Ben to Alvin

pub in wales, October 2008

Wahay... girls and tits and more


the foresters, October 2008

the last time i saw a stripper it was with my dad


a pub, October 2008

"He ripped my arse wide open"

Sally to everyone around the fire, about who knows who

the hut, October 2008

you'd probably do quite well in prison

monica to kayleigh

the hut, October 2008

Geoff: Are you sure you havn't left anything else in the boot?
Mike: Oooo...the tackle bag.
Geoff: It's on your back.

The Hut, October 2008

i'm going to go for some choir boys, what do you think?


cottage co clare, September 2008

i don't think it's electric ... arrrrgh ... it is

James vs the electric fence

a field co clare, September 2008

my arseholes huge ... look i can get my hand up it


car park co clare, September 2008

That's exactly what i'm thinking of ... knobjockey


cottage co clare, September 2008

i don't think there's anywhere to go down here... arrrgh

Andy finding the cave

gragan west co clare, September 2008

'Muff diver' - Kayleigh
'That's a whole area we haven't explored yet' - Andy

cottage co clare, September 2008

'James are you sure you dealt 7 cards? 'cos i've got 8' - Ryan
'That's 'cos you picked one up' - James

cottage co clare, September 2008

Digging is the second most sexual thing

Mad Girl in Yorkshire

Helwith Bridge Inn, August 2008

Edd: Do you know where I can buy a toothbrush around here?
Shopkeeper: Yes, right here. Are you over 18?
Edd: ..... er ... yes
Shopkeeper: That'll be 39p then.

Port Eynon, The Gower, June 2008

Superted: About that man you fancied in Bath ...
Ryan: That was a woman, I swear!

Hole in the Wall, May 2008

It wasn't my fault; he was in my bed

Ryan on bed sharing with James

Hole in the Wall, May 2008

Edd: ... its penis would tear you apart
Sally: Yeah, but you'd die satisfied


Sally: ... and you'd be sure to feel something

Sally on why she would prefer to mate with a polar bear and not the 'gay' male birds were she an arctic bird.

Watching Planet Earth, April 2008

I've got to get back to my anal and rectal surgery

On the end of a phone somewhere, April 2008

You can tell when you're clutching at straws when you use your head for friction.

Mike on Edd's (successful) mud climbing manoeuvre

Daren Cilau, March 2008

I don't want to see any more boobies!

Ryan's House, March 2008

I organised a dinner a short while ago. I had chicken as the vegetarian option.
Ed Moss

Caving Easter Egg Hunt, March 2008

They've painted the hut walls! I'm going to be overstimulated tonight.

The Hut, Pre- Caving Easter Egg Hunt, March 2008

Spain is Spanish

Edd trying to sound intelligent

Pub, March 2008

Andy is pretty shit at pulling


Annual Dinner, March 2008

I'm getting it here, I'm getting it there


Annual Dinner, March 2008

I love Italian stallions


Annual Dinner, March 2008

Stop bitting my nipples Tree that is twice in a month!


Annual Dinner, March 2008

Watch that Goliath in your groin!

Paul To Andy

I would like to see this Goliath

Deb's response

Annual Dinner, March 2008

for the last week and a half it was just sausage constantly -Mike

wsg hut wales, February 2008

time for some fun with some felt tip pens - Geoff

wsg hut wales, February 2008

gonorrhea is fun - ryan

spoons, February 2008

i need to buy one of those - James looking wistfully at an inflatable sheep

bernies, February 2008

Its ok my external arse is not wet

Yorkshire, February 2008

I poked her til she squ[ealed]
Edd's brother on Tree

Sally's car, January 2008

He put it in my face so I bit it
Tree's explaination for biting Edd's breast

Edd's House, January 2008

I saw him and couldn't look at his face
Tree about Edd's brother

Edd's house, January 2008

give it a yank, that helps


honeymead hole, January 2008

Tackle bags; they are like children you can abuse


honeymead hole, January 2008

I want to promote caving amongst the youngsters by promoting youngsters

Stan on his engagement

The Red Lion, January 2008

I had a dream about a shrew. It was the size of a cat ... [a minute later] I had a dream about a shrew. It was the size of a badger.

YSS, January 2008

I remember big banging
Stan on his New Year's Eve

YSS, January 2008

Random to Rob; Thats the sink!.. Oh you're washing your hands.

the bell toilets. Early new years eve, December 2007

I've found phone and tele, but i can't make it into a word.

Mike (watching word games on tv)

sloanes, December 2007

Edd, you sausaged me this morning.
Jon S

Christmas Meal Weekend, UBSS Hut, December 2007

Ah, rape party; that sounds like my kind of party.

Christmas Meal Weekend, December 2007

She was 60 but I'd still have her
Jon S

OFD1, November 2007

And I was giving it all this [dancing move] and I said "I'm going to put it in you"
Jon S

CHECC, November 2007

Right, well, things have progressed - I've pulled but I've got a stiff one so I need my jeans back.
Jon S

CHECC, November 2007

Can vegetarians eat pig fat?
Jon S

CHECC, November 2007

Jon S: Do you want to get naked?
Girl: No, that's tomorrow night
Jon S: Oh, I'm a Fresher, I don't know these things

CHECC, November 2007

Do you still want me to milk you?
Jon S to James

CHECC, November 2007

Pluto, the Greek philosopher

CHECC, November 2007

Your nipple looks like an open wound
Tree to Edd

CHECC, November 2007

pip : i'm wearing tights under my jeans.

james : i wish i could get away with that.

highbury vaults, November 2007

Stan: It's not always rape
Edd: They're asleep!

SRT Training, November 2007

I am quite a hot person now.

Lou (she may have to explain)

on the way to swildons, October 2007

Edd: Don't knock it til u've tried it, its actually quite pleasant.

Christian: What having anal sex with you?

wales, October 2007

I've taken you in every entrance.

Christian to Fay

wales, October 2007

oh my god, i cant get Jon out of my mind.


wales, October 2007

school kids, trousers down


wales, October 2007

Oh, very cute

Pete Talling to Edd

Rocky Horror Pub Crawl, October 2007

Kayleigh to Ryan : I thought you only had eyes for James, now u've got Edd spreading his legs.

Edd: Can i have a tissue.

white hart, October 2007

I am a foam monster!
James (On emerging from an exceptionally foamy sump 1)

Swildon's Sump 1, October 2007

we need a big vibrator then the water would go up hill


Draenen, October 2007

cannabilism isn't that immoral.
Andy Brown

the hut, October 2007

Frank to Charlie : Have you heard the deffinition of space docking?

the hut, October 2007

I have never proposed to someone in a same sex relationship.


the hut, October 2007

I know i'm not Ryan, but hold that, hold it tight.

Superted standing in front of James

the hut, October 2007

there are all sorts of uses for tampons.

Ed m

the hut, October 2007

Is it cos your a virgin or are the girls you've done it with just skanky horrible.


A bit of both


the hut, October 2007

This is better than sex.

Alex dabbing a wet cloth on his hand

the hut, October 2007

to get the proper hallucination you need to feed it to them then drink their urine.

Rob on shrooms

the hut, October 2007

if you go in the wrong hole its horrible


eastwater, October 2007

You're not a big sausage man, are you?

Morven to Jon

The Hut, October 2007

If somethings hard, give up.

Superted (really at that point??)

christian, debs, frank and superted's house, October 2007

I'm sure i could knock up a few brownies in a couple of hours.

Edd (and he claims he's not a paedophile)

erins car, September 2007

We're Irish, we knee-cap them; that's what we do

Ryan on women

Lamb & Flag outside Abergavenny, September 2007

To tell the truth, i'm still full of tripe.


the red lion, September 2007

you don't need clothes or a big towel, it's the thought that counts.


the hut, September 2007

I've got a soft spot for Roger.
(A few seconds pass)
It's better than a hard spot.

Si Flower

The Hunter's, September 2007

If u get him drunk enough he wont remember anything

unknown (again probably Kayleigh or Tree)

yorkshire, September 2007

Phone sex is not allowed, i will save that for later

unknown (probably kayleigh or tree)

yorkshire, September 2007

14 inches long. thats how long my hole is.


the hut, September 2007

I'm going to sit there naked, with a protractor doing maths.


the hut, September 2007

What? I look lovely in a dress.


Edds house, September 2007

where are you sleeping tonight?

Superted to Edd

trees house, September 2007

where's tree? when can we have tit cake?


trees house, September 2007

I'm not sticking my hand down there, sorry.

Tree to James

yorkshire, September 2007

James entered my fudge tunnel (unknown probably Ryan)

yorkshire, September 2007

that's tender - christian

Like Ryans arse - James

yorkshire, September 2007

Frank, please no. you know how i feel about porn after seeing my mothers.

Debs (after watching rude britania was suggested)

Sangria party, September 2007

Given a while you could come round to the idea and quite enjoy animal bum sex.


Sangria party, September 2007

I've returned the milk to its origins.

Jon (after putting a carton of milk down in a rather large cow pat).

Dartmoor, September 2007

I have a pole sticking in my arse.


Dartmoor, September 2007

we should go on mount stan


Romania, September 2007

Are we going togo dwn n stan in a minute


Romania, August 2007

I'm not putting anything horrible in my mouth


Romania, August 2007

I'm now thinking of foreskin


Romania, August 2007

Its like milking a cow upside down


Romania, August 2007

Virgil's entertaining himself over there


Romania, August 2007

I did not smack you in the bollocks, they're not that big - Tree to James (- they are now - Virgil)

Romania, August 2007

I been going up and down all day, actually I been going down mostly


Romania, August 2007

Hand action always counts

James to Ryan

Romania, August 2007

Why's that big turkey sitting on top of the little one


I thought that it was keeping it warm, I was really confused it was a hot day

Tree after explanation

Romania, August 2007

I get excited by animals


Romania, August 2007

Can we go somewhere private and I'll press you against a wall

Fay to Kayleigh

Romania, August 2007

Lets be nice and gentle with each other

Fay to Sally

Romania, August 2007

I'm a cave restorer

Edd after breaking a stal

Romania, August 2007

You are not allowed to touch competitors

Ryan to James in a drinking game

Romania, August 2007

Fay do you want me to jump on you

Ryan to Fay in the water

Romania, August 2007

Sally has a particularly fine arse and I could stare at it all day


romania, August 2007

"Think 4skin" Fay

romania, August 2007

If you will stick in my face of course I am going to grab it


romania, August 2007

Carbide smells like farts - virgil
I quite like the smell of carbide James

romania, August 2007

Tree's breasts are her own

Virgil shortly after announcing that they were team property

romania, August 2007

"lies I can take it, I'm happy" Tree written after the statement TREE IS SOBER

Romania, August 2007

You guys all think I'm drunk and I'm soooooooo not


romania, August 2007

I am scared of 6 inches


romania, August 2007

Christian nailed me after freshers weekend


romania, August 2007

My sausage just dropped off


romania, August 2007

No, your no munching my sausage Edd


romania, August 2007

Fay, you're not getting any sausage tonight


romania, August 2007

James sleep with your mouth open tonight

Ryan after playing with fire

romania, August 2007

The voice in my head has no accent


romania, August 2007

I need to have some bit of ruff to make it feel like a caving trip


romania, August 2007

it was a large flat area

james - on groping trees chest

romania, August 2007

i'm not big really


romania, August 2007

Linda: "Bill's definitely the hot, young doctor"
Steve: "He's not a doctor"

Trev and Rachel's wedding, August 2007

You'd think when you phone up to say you're deaf then they might come to the conclusion that you are a bit

sally via email

after a phone call to medical insurers, July 2007

i'm a jammer whore


top of jingling pot, June 2007

caving is like one big hug from the earth.


priddy post swildons, June 2007

it's not rape if Barry White is playing.

superted when discussing gay rape with Edd

pub crawl, June 2007

Kayleigh's (written) pub quiz answer:

Q. In which state was Abraham Lincoln buried?
A. Vaginia.

The Scotchman and His Pack, June 2007

ryan get your leg over


training, June 2007

Wells is just like Venice


Wells, June 2007

Ben, i can't get it up. I can't get it in, it's too tight.

ben's car, June 2007

come on sally spread your legs.

trees hall, June 2007

I go for whatever's around

Anna (Tree's Housemate)

St Werberg's Climbing Wall, June 2007

I'll grab anything that's available.


St Werberg's Climbing Wall, June 2007

Im a man's man


the ship, June 2007

There is a really good bush on whiteladies.


June 2007

It's ok, naked's my forte


scotsman and his pack, June 2007

They stretched me, poked me, took my clothes off, then stretched me again.


The Scotchman and His Pack, June 2007

We're over here!"

Charlotte Lee

(She will need to explain the precise circumstances herself.)

A beach in Co. Clare, June 2007

I'll ram him through
- James on Alex

The Ship, May 2007

trousers are like a treat


May 2007

Which hole are we aiming for?
Char Lee

OFD, May 2007

I'll try and slide it in and out both ways!
Steve Cottle

OFD, May 2007

I still have a good appettite for an older man.
Steve Perry

The Hut, May 2007

Jane Perry

Remember Jane, it's not just yourself you're letting down; it's the whole family.
Steve Perry

Read's Cavern, May 2007

Jon: Is this guest a boy or a girl?
Stan: Both

Andy's Car, May 2007

they're pretty damn good nuts

ben to jon

pub crawl, May 2007

hey i'm wearing a top for a skirt, pull my knickers up.

pub crawl, May 2007

Women often like spreading their legs
- Kayleigh

Embargo (?), May 2007

The head says yes but little rob says no

superted on why it wouldnt work with rob d

mr wolfs, April 2007

I nearly pummelled my chappy
- Edd after negotiating a rock in a squeeze

GB, April 2007

Do lesbians climb inside each other?

The Berkley, April 2007

Last night I dreamt I was being shagged from behind by a dog.

It was a bit like a St. Bernard.

Simon Lee

April 2007

It's like a massage parlour but for men
ed - on tatoo parlours (i don't know who he thinks massage parlours are aimed at)

glouster road, March 2007

Look at that man's face! What's happened to him?
- Edd rather loudly about a man with blood pouring down his face while skipping with Tree to the Grecian

March 2007

Jareck (Stan's mate): So if I go naked, I go through?
Stan: Is that a promise?

Kayleigh's, March 2007

It's like riding the elephant.
Stan on Edd giving him a piggyback.

March 2007

I'll have to work on his buttocks.

Kayleigh's, March 2007

I've been touching bats in places.

Post-Easter Egg Hunt Pub-time, March 2007

That's the best thing about Massagesoc: lots of free balls.

UBSS Hut, Easter Egg Hunt, March 2007

I no longer see her as an opportunity

the ship, March 2007

Don't spell it just swallow it.
Unknown (possibly James)

Pete's house, March 2007

I was going to be called Faith until i was a girl.
Superted (think he's trying to tell us something?)

Highbury Vaults, March 2007

being without the gossip is like being naked

stan (really is it that bad??)

cotham brow, March 2007

I would rather be fined than hyperdermic

stan (lost in translation i think)

the ship, March 2007

oh i still have a pair of your underpants, i offered them to morven as a balaklava.

jon to james

the ship, March 2007

tonight i think i will rub myself

camping in daren, March 2007

Don't put that between my legs it's really cold and wet.
James (the mole) MacFarlane

christians car, February 2007

Im just trying to tickle my clittle.

rigging bar pot, February 2007

It's the thing about to explode between your legs.
Andrew A to a bloke from Manchester

bull pot farm, February 2007

When I get old or infirm I'd quite like to be killed by being torn to pieces by wolves. That'd be dignified. - Fay Hewitt

The Ship Inn, February 2007

I have myself my very small caving towel as used to expose myself to small children with


romania, 2007

They contain butter or something

Tree talking about butter biscuits

romania, 2007

I wouldn't mind being an air hostess


Somewhere over Europe on route to Romania, 2007

Are there many caves down here


In a mendip pub, 2007

I'm not sure I can reverse that!

Dr Boycott on numerous occasions having just done a squeeze or a climb.

Various caves throughout the world, 2007

Si was heard to say:
"I've had my balls in Charlie's face and he loved it"
shortly before declaring that he wanted to have "head wars".

However, apparently both comments referred to festive headgear and were therefore the result of donning extra clothing rather than the reverse, much to the relief of all those present.

Hogmanay at the Hut, December 2006

"Don't worry, I'm not going to crash"

Jon Telling, seconds before leaving a lasting impression on a nearby car.

Brizzle, December 2006

"Ken shot his bolt on the chips earlier"

Hogmanay at the Hut, December 2006

"So, if it ends up all over everybody, are we meant to lick it off?"

Kirsten (getting excited about what can be achieved with a Christmas cracker spinning top and some brandy butter).

Hogmanay at the Hut, December 2006

'he had soft lucious lips'

Superted on pulling Rob at CHECC

November 2006

This short conversation between a rather inebriated Fay Hewitt and some unknown but unlucky soul was overheard at Bonfire weekend:

Fay: "Are you happy?"
Unlucky soul: "Ummm, yeah."
Fay: "You won't be when I puke in your lap."
Unlucky soul: "..........."

The hut, November 2006

“I’ve already been down on my hands and knees twice for you today.”


Caver 1: “I can’t spread my legs.”
Caver 2: “That’s unusual!”


“My new sleeping bag has built in salad cream stains.”


“Just put it in your mouth and suck it – you don’t have to bite it……you don’t have to swallow either.”


Fresher: “Take me…(pause)…that’s in.”


“I remember the first time I went commando in the Hunter’s.”


“….then it broke but she didn’t even notice when she slipped onto my six inch length.”


Bill Miners to Sharon Pilkington. “I’m wedged underneath you. Slide your body over my helmet!”

Yorkshire, February 2002

Caver 1:”Isn’t that porn?”
Caver 2: “Yeah but the music’s rather good.”

Wales, February 2002

The following three were apparently uttered by Bill Miners:

Whilst trying to see if it was worth climbing a steep hill to look from the top, Bill asks a Frenchman "Vous avez une bonne visage?" (You have a nice face?)

On inquiring of a German girl whether they she had had a good caving trip, Bill asks: "Haben sie ein gutte holle?"

After turning the light by his bed on in the middle of the night, Bill apologised in the morning with the following excuse: "Sorry but I was pillow munching and the pillow turned the light on."

Jura, 2001

Upon being chased by a sheep while walking back to the car, having failed to find Lower Longchurn, Si Flower was heard to utter "She's quite cute" before giving chase to the terrified animal.


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